I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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