guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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