I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
