they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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