i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This is my gift to your gina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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