i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
