i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
