I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
