I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she smelled like a LAN party
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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