i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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