My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
