Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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