do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
