You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We have so much sex to catch up on
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
