playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Michael Bay diarrhea
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
