so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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