i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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