Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
