It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
