A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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