i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
