You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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