last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
