it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
