I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
