made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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