Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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