Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
