I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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