You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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