idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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