I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Found the puke drawer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
