The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
