Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
