I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
