Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
