my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
