i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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