Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
