my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
