just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
