hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
