WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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