I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Randomize
