It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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