honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
