i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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