Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have post one night stand depression
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
