your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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