1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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