K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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