I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
