also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
