I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The air was thick with penises
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
